By Vidisha Desai

Recently, I have been studying for my last board exam, Step 3, and find myself reflecting on the journey of being an Internal Medicine Doctor – a profession that despite progress, remains largely dominated by men. I recall the girl I used to be when applying for residency in medical school. I was so excited to finally start the chapter of my life that I have been working towards for over a decade. I was hopeful and full of pride. I felt like I was on top of the world and felt as though I deserved the title of “MD.” Soon came my first day of residency where I was taking care of my first patient. He assumed I was his nurse, and I froze, unable to correct him that I was his doctor. Imposter syndrome was real my friends. I thought the novelty of my feelings would wear off and with practice I would be able to own my role with confidence.

However, it was not until my second year of residency where one of my male colleagues and I had a disagreement regarding a patient’s care. He was my junior resident but asserted himself with a confidence I lacked. In that moment in a meek voice, I said “I don’t know, maybe you are right let’s get additional testing.” That moment was etched into my memory; the tone of my voice, the expression I wore, the instant censure of the super-ego setting in microseconds later. While I am still deciphering the mystery of that exchange, I am coming to see that most women in medicine have to learn to build their confidence through external factors whereas men generally have a unique internal confidence when carrying themselves through the corridors of the hospital. 

The truth is that being a girl in society shaped every aspect of my life and carried over into my womanhood. I was raised by strong women who strongly believed that one’s independence and freedom is cultivated through education. I was encouraged to read books instead of learning to cook in the kitchen. The women in my life lived a life full of regrets when it came to their education and ensured I would not end up that way. My grandmother was not allowed to pursue further education after middle school, and my mother, who went to undergrad, soon forgot to pursue further education due to marital responsibilities. I lived a very specific life of a Brown woman, in a developed nation, who was the first female physician in her family.

Thriving as a woman in medicine is a multifaceted journey that involves self-empowerment, breaking down barriers, and fostering a supportive environment. By embracing individuality, exuding confidence, building networks, challenging stereotypes, negotiating effectively, integrating personal and professional lives, advocating for inclusive policies, and committing to lifelong learning, women cannot only overcome challenges but also leave an indelible mark on the landscape of medicine. The goal is not to choose between a career and personal life but to navigate both successfully, creating a path for future generations of women in medicine to thrive.